Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
