Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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