I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
