Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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