I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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