oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
