I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Everyone says I win the strip club
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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