Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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