i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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