What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
