I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
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Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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