508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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