Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
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