The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
