Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
