I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Damn victory sex feels great
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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