I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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