oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
