Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
