Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
