Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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