my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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