there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
