Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
