What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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