Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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