I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
