Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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