On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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