I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
