This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
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I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
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The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My penis needs a shock collar
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time