Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter