I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine