just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.