I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
