he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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