i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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