He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
