My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
