hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
