Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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