well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
