Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
