she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
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so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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