Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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