I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
