you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
