My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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