I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
