a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
