you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sober January is a disaster.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
