I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
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