Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
