Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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