Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
