my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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