Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
