Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
