I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize