I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
