I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
