dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
