At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bring money and cleavage
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
