You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
