I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
