hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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