I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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