So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
