I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My bed smells like the plague
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
