But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
