you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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