Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
