I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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