They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
